Gifts You Can't Buy
by WriterKC
Summary: When they hang up, she feels refreshed, loved, confident. Because no matter how many miles are between them, no matter how she hears his voice..he will always be her connection to strength. Now a multi-chap. Post-ep for Something Happened. Christmas fic
1. Her Connection to Strength

" _Hello?"_ A groggy voice answers. She knows there's a time zone difference between them now, that neither one of them wanted but that is out of their control. She knows it's early over there when she calls him, but she can't sleep.

"Hey, it's me" There's a yawn, and a few seconds of silence before he answers.

"Wait Liv? It's been almost a year. Are you ok honey?"

"I-I'm fine I just..needed to hear your voice."

"What's wrong?" His tone is gentle and concerned. She hasn't been allowed to see him in person for 7 years, but she can still see his loving, worried gaze. She has to fight back a few tears then, because his care for her, his protectiveness was one of the things she missed the most.

"El am I..Do you think I'm-"

"Olivia, sweetheart just take a deep breath. You can tell me anything, I'll stay on the line with you for as long as you need." It's been almost a year since they've talked. His voice is strong, reassuring like it always was. Of course he has to talk quietly now for both of their safety. Because he hasn't been Elliot Stabler in 7 years. He's Daniel Smith of San Diego, California. An accountant, not exactly the job he dreamed of but it's what the program decided. To keep him far away from danger..except it's also far away from her. The woman he loved. He wanted to keep her safe, she wanted him safe. But there was a hole in their hearts that had been there since the day he was put into Witness Protection, and it would stay until they let him go back home.

"I don't even know why I'm calling you about this, I should be able to take care of myself and you need to sleep, I should just-" She is rambling, and trying not to cry. He breaks the rule about talking quietly, desperate to keep her talking to him.

"Olivia don't hang up, there's nothing to be ashamed of..we all need to talk to someone sometimes. You are far from weak, you're the strongest person I know, you hear me?" She sniffles but doesn't respond. "I love you Liv, and nothing's gonna change that. Whether I come home tomorrow or it takes another 10 years..I will always love you, with all that I have. No matter what."

"I love you too, and I miss you so much" she chokes on a sob.

"I miss you too baby, you know I'd be there if I could"

Her response is almost inaudible. "I know you would."

"What can I do Liv? What do you need from me?"

"There was a case..and it just..brought back some old memories and-"

"If somebody hurt you I swear to god-"

"No-no it wasn't that El I promise. You know I think I knew, deep down I've always known. But I've never opened up about it, except to you."

"About what?"

"Elliot.. I'm nothing but collateral damage" Her voice is shaky and tearful and he's quick to respond with reassurance.

"Olivia, sweetheart, you know that's not true. You are worth so much, to so many people, including me. I don't know what to say that will help you believe that but if hearing me say it everyday for the rest of my life is what you need, then I will. There's no one I know that is more selfless, special, strong, compassionate than you. You are an incredible woman, and I wish you could see that." There is silence before he speaks again. "What happened honey?"

She knows she can't hide anything from him. He's her best friend, her rock, the love of her life, and no one knew her better than him. So she tells him about the latest SVU case, about her interview with Laurel. How the woman had sensed the deep sadness inside of her, and brought her to her breaking point. He just listens, and when she's done and breaks into tears..he whispers words of comfort into the phone. Tells her how much he loves her again, and each time she hears his voice she feels a little stronger.

"You remember the first time they allowed us to talk on the phone? The week after Lewis's trial?"

"How can I forget? I'm so sorry baby I should have been there..should have protected you. Heck I would have killed him myself."

"I know you would have, and it's not your fault..you know I would never blame you for anything that happened. He was a monster, there's no telling what would have happened even if you HAD been here." She takes a breath before continuing, her voice no longer as shaky now that his gave her some strength. "Lewis got to me, taunting me about my father which you already know but-"

"You can tell me anything sweetheart, even if it's something I know. Even if you just need reassurance."

"Laurel, I told you that her attacker reminded her of her father who had just died. Same cologne even and..she killed him, but was really killing her father for what he did to her sister and I-" She pauses before continuing. "She told me she could sense that I had hatred inside me, that I had done something and-"

Elliot starts putting the pieces together. "You had a flashback, to beating Lewis"

"Yes"

"And you think, like Laurel..that you may have been beating your father for what he did to your mother." Despite the conversation they're having, her heart warms at how well he knows her. At the fact that her El has been 2,765 miles away from her for 7 years and can still read her like he's right in front of her.

"I hadn't really given it thought before you know? But some of what she described, just..it was like I was seeing myself. Like all I really have is hatred..like everything I've done everyday of my life has been out of anger, out of hatred."

"No it hasn't" his voice is firm, but gentle. Holding her steady, giving her stability. "Listen to me Liv, you've done so much good. You have more love to give than you realize, there's not an evil bone in your body"

"I-"

"Olivia... do you love me?" She's taken aback, but answers without hesitation.

"Of course I do..very much."

"Even though I had to leave? Even though our only communication is through the phone once or twice a year? Do you still love me?"

"Always"

"Do you still love Cragen..even though he kept it a secret that I was put in Witness Protection? Even though he let you believe I abandoned you for 3 years, only telling you the truth when you begged him to tell you where I was because you were scared that if Lewis killed you you would never see me again?"

"I was mad at him but..of course I still love him. He's the father I never had."

"Do you still love your squad?"

"Yes, they're my family. Just like you are."

"Olivia all of those people I mentioned, even me, have put you through a lot of crap over the years whether you blame us or not. If it were really true that you were filled with nothing but anger and hate..how is it that you forgave us? That you still love us?"

That got to her.

"You wanna know what I see? I see passion, determination, strength, justice..and love, even for people who don't deserve it." She is quiet, but listening.

"Honey tell me this, do you think Laurel still deserves love? Despite her past? Do you think she is still capable of loving someone?"

"Yes, of course."

"Why are you any different?" The tears and shakiness are gone, just talking to him lifts the weight of last night off her shoulders..and puts strength back into her heart.

"I'm not."

"You deserve love just as much as anyone else, actually, to me, way more. And I don't see an ounce of hatred in you, not unless the person deserves it."

For the first time since last night, she smiles. And despite the miles between them, she can see his loving, signature smile too.

"I've gotta go now baby, but listen, they told me there's a good chance I'll be able to come home soon. I don't know when, but I promise you'll be the first to know."

"I wish you could come home now, I miss you El."

"I miss you too sweetheart, try to get some rest. Maybe we will be able to talk before another 11 months go by."

"I hope so. I love you so much."

"I love you too Liv, more than you'll ever know."

When they hang up, she feels refreshed, loved, confident.

Because no matter how many miles are between them, no matter how she hears his voice..he will always be

Her connection to strength.

 **A/N: I promise to update my other story soon, but this was just a little thing I thought of after last night's episode last night. Thanks for reading!**


	2. Partner to Partner

She's on her lunch hour, thinking about Laurel's case again, when she gets the call.

"El?" He can tell she's upset again, when she says his name tearfully.

"What's wrong baby?" It takes her a minute to realize that she is talking to him again..for the 2nd time in 12 hours.

"She just..wanted someone to love her. That was all she wanted..and I-"

"Laurel?"

"Yeah" she sniffles. "I was thinking, about what she said..and I realized-that deep down, that's all I wanted too. From parents, from a family, from relationships. I just, wanted love. God I must sound pathetic."

"No, sweetheart there's nothing pathetic about that. But..you know you have it now right? From the squad, from cragen, from so many people. And I love you the most, out of all of them"

"I know, I know and I'm so thankful to have you. So thankful that you've put up with me all these years and can still love me, unconditionally. You've been here Elliot, ever since we became partners you've been my shoulder to cry on, my source of comfort, support and love,the one person I can trust. You're the longest relationship I've had but-"

"I wasn't there at the beginning"

"I was a loveless child El"

"That wasn't your fault"

"Or my mother's, it just, I don't think it really hit me until now. That it's always been love that I craved so much."

"I love you Olivia, you hear me? I love you enough for every year of your childhood, for the love you craved as a child. No matter what has happened, what you've gone through in the past..you've got me sweetheart. You've got love, I promise."

His words move her to tears. "I know" she whispers. There is silence between them for a minute, and then she realizes that for the first time since being in WITSEC..it's HIM that called HER. And that there is nothing careful or quiet about the way he talks. He's not hiding from anyone anymore.

"El?" For the first time in years, her voice has a hopeful edge to it, but she is hesitant to believe. "What's going on? What were you calling about?"

"They caught them Liv"

"The men who made the threats, tried to kill you?" She holds her breath. His voice is laced with tears of joy when he responds.

"They just called me about 3 hours ago, said they found the psychos and that they were killed instantly..Liv I'm..I'm coming home baby"

They're both crying now, and she's stunned.

"This isn't a dream? You're really coming home? I'm not dreaming?"

"No honey, you're not. They said my flight had already been booked and paid for..that it was all over. To pack my bags and go back to where I belonged."

She can't believe it, and she's smiling bigger than she has in 7 years. Sobbing out of happiness. It's then that she notices that unlike the silence in the background she normally hears, it sounds like he's somewhere busy, crowded…. Like an airport.

"Do you know when? Sometime this week?" She asks hopefully. And an announcement in the background confirms her suspicion

"Attention passengers, flight 2780 to New York City will begin boarding in 30 minutes"

"Elliot?" She's standing now, shaking from happiness and hope. She can hear his smile in his voice when he responds.

"It was paid for, and scheduled for this morning..by someone you know pretty well actually"

"Someone I know? In the Feds? Don't tell me dean porter's back"

"God no, I wouldn't take a penny from that loser" he scoffs. "You know I was skeptical at first, wasn't sure I'd be able to trust anyone else to have your back, keep you safe but it sounds like he did a pretty good job." Then it dawns on her.

"Nick? You met Nick Amaro?"

"He works private security now and found out who I was. They were going to wait 2 weeks to send me home, cheaper flight that way. Till Nick insisted on paying for it, booking it for today, and driving me to the airport."

"Oh my god, that's, wow I, I haven't talked to him in a while either actually. I should call him and thank him." The knowledge that her most recent partner was the reason she would see her old partner for the 1st time in 7 years in just a few hours warmed her heart, and she felt more tears fall. She loved Nick too, not the same way she loved Elliot, but Nick had become a great friend over the years. She felt lucky that he had been her partner. She never thought of him as Elliot's replacement, because no one could ever replace her El. And because, there was a part of her that knew he would find a way back to her someday. That knew they wouldn't be apart forever, that one day it would be safe for him to come home. Of course, when she called him at 5:00 that morning, she never thought just a few hours later her dream for the past 7 years would come true. All thanks to whoever caught the monsters who threatened to take him from her. And of course the other man she had shared a desk with, who proved his loyalty and friendship to her by sending her the best christmas gift, best miracle she had ever received. Elliot Stabler was coming home, and nothing that had bothered her that week mattered anymore.

"Liv, honey are you still there?"

"Yes, sorry El it just, took me a minute. I don't remember the last time I was this happy."

"Me neither baby, I've gotta go through security now, I'll call you when I land. See you soon sweetheart, I love you"

"I love you too El, have a safe flight."

They hang up and she sighs happily. Before it hits her that she never asked him about his family, what time he'd be coming in, or gave him her new address. Her thoughts are interrupted when her phone rings again. She wipes her eyes before answering, trying to pull herself together.

"Benson"

"Liv, hey, I hope I didn't catch you at a bad time. Just wanted to call and say merry christmas." She can hear the knowing smile in his voice.

"Nick, I-I don't even know what to say, how did you? Wha-"

"I'm assuming you got the news?"

" Yeah, he called me just a few minutes ago. Nick you have no idea how much this means to me."

"You deserve to be happy Liv."

"How'd you even know it was him? That he was in the program?"

"I'm working a security job now here in San Diego, we help protect anyone who needs a detail. Sometimes we cross paths with the WITSEC program if there's a particular witness who needs extra guards. Anyway, I overheard a couple of guys talking about this case that just got closed, former New York detective who's been in the program for 7 years. How glad everyone there is gonna be when he comes home. I was curious, since that would have been right before I started working at SVU that he was put in. Then one guy says something about how no one will be happier to see him than his partner, he heard they were pretty close. Then-"

"Nick slow down, take a breath" She says and he laughs before continuing.

"Somebody asked who this 'partner' was they were talking about..guy responds 'you haven't heard of her? She's the best lieutenant in Manhattan. She's been at that same precinct for 19 years now. Longer than most people last, she and Smith were partners for 12 years.' Of course that was all sounding familiar so I asked who Smith was and the guy goes 'Daniel Smith, his WITSEC name..real name's Stabler, Elliot Stabler. So then..don't laugh..I googled him" She's amused.

"You googled Elliot?"

"I had to know for certain. Sure enough I find tons of articles about 'Benson and Stabler, New York's best crime fighting dynamic duo' I knew right away that that was your old partner, that was who you missed so much. I know from the last time we talked that things have been rough for you lately, with Noah's grandmother suddenly coming into your lives and just the overall stress that comes with the job..and thought you deserved some Christmas cheer. Once I found out that you had been informed that he was in the program, and hadn't just abandoned you, I contacted the people in charge of letting him go, and they told me they were planning to send him home within a couple weeks if he could find the money for a flight, but-"

"Fin told you about the case didn't he? About Laurel?" Nick had kept in touch with the squad as much as he could, and she could sense he may have been updated about the case that tore her apart.

"Yeah, he did. He was worried about you, thought maybe a call from an old partner, well 'young' old partner would cheer you up. I was actually planning to call you today anyway just to talk, but when I heard about Elliot, I knew that was what you needed. For the man who makes you the happiest to come home for Christmas. So I called them, told them I was a friend of Elliot's partner, used to work in the same precinct, and that I wanted to pay for his flight. Cause he needed to be home today, there was someone who had been waiting too long and needed him. So I handed them a check and had them book him a flight for this morning, told them to call him and tell him Christmas came early. They called him and then handed me a note with his address on it, and told me I was his detail. To pick him up and get him to the airport safely. He's a good man Liv, we talked for awhile and I can tell he loves you a lot"

"I know he does, I'm so happy he's coming home and I could never thank you enough."

"You don't have to thank me Liv, I wanted to do it. He just boarded the plane a few minutes ago. I gotta go back to work but I'll talk to you later. Take a few weeks off, spend time with your other half, you both deserve it."

"Thanks so much Nick, merry Christmas."

"Merry Christmas Liv"

"And Nick? If you get the chance, call Amanda, she could use some cheer from an old partner too. You guys reminded me a lot of El and I. I think it would mean a lot to her to hear from you."

"I will."

 **A/n: He's coming home! I decided to make this a multichap. A post-ep for Wednesday's episode and also a Christmas fanfic. I felt sad for Liv after watching that episode, we already knew about the things she said so there really was no new secret but still, she deserves some happiness and love in her life. So this is a story of the people around her that love her, and the things they do to show her how much she means to them. Enjoy!**


	3. Home is Where His Heart Is

**A/N: ok..so I may be the only writer on here who likes old-fashioned country . .but I heard the song "Something You Can't Buy" by the Statler Brothers, and it actually goes great with the theme of this story. Talking about how their dad coming home was a gift. So 1st chapter still says "Her Connection to Strength" but since this is kind of a Christmas fic too I changed the title to "Gifts You Can't Buy" because what could be a better present for Olivia than her Elliot coming home? 3 Anyway, there's my explanation. Here's the 3rd chapter.**

He was 20 minutes into the plane ride before he processed that this was real. It had been 7 years, and he was finally going home. Not just home to New York, but home to his family, home to his partner, his Liv, the woman he loved more than anything. _God_ had he missed her. He couldn't even pinpoint anything specific because he missed _everything_ about her. She was perfect in his eyes, beautiful inside and out. Strong, compassionate..just incredible. He missed her voice, her laugh, her smile, the twinkle in her eyes. Heck he even missed her getting angry with him, the fiery passion that burned in her eyes when they fought. He would never admit it, but she had scared him a few times. In the end though, it just made him love her even more. He could feel tears prick in his eyes. _Pull yourself together Stabler, you'll see her soon._ Yeah, and once he did, he was never letting her go again. It was 3 years into being into the program that he finally told her he loved her. He and Kathy had finalized their divorce about a month before he went into WITSEC. It was mutual, they both cared about each other as friends, but knew their marriage wasn't working anymore. Their kids understood, they knew it was coming for years. He kicked himself for not telling Olivia he loved her then, before he had to go away. 3 years in, they told him it would be safe to make a phone call. He was nervous, wondered if Liv had been told where he was or if she thought he abandoned her. If she hated him. There was no way he could handle it if she hated him. Cragen was the one who contacted the program, telling them that it was urgent that they let her talk to him. She had been hurt bad and needed him. He knew they wouldn't let him go back yet, but thought a phone call would be good. That way she could at least hear his voice, and maybe that would hold her together. He had to talk quietly, in a private room that was monitored by officers, but they let her call him. It was the most heartbreaking phone call he had ever had. She told him about Lewis, and the knowledge that his worst nightmare had come true. That he wasn't there to protect her, still cut him deeper than anything else. He didn't think he would ever forget her sobs, as she told him what had happened to her, how much she wanted him there to save her, how much she missed him. He wanted nothing more than to reach through the phone and pull her into his arms, holding her close to comfort her. But he was on the other end of the country, and all he could do was listen. He would never forget how broken her voice sounded. They spent hours on the phone, both of them crying. He promised her then that he'd be home soon, that he would protect her and no one would hurt her again. They both knew that was easier said than done. There was a lull in the conversation, when he could tell she was exhausted from the trauma she had been through. That was when he told her he loved her, more than he could even explain. That he had always loved her, and always would, no matter what happened. She cried again, both out of happiness because she loved him too, and out of heartache because he was so far away from her.

He must have dozed off, dreaming about that day. because he looks out the window and sees a city in the distance, and an announcement confirms the sight:

 _We will now begin the final descent into New York City, please…_

The announcer continues with some safety procedure stuff but he's not listening, he can feel the tears of joy form. He's almost home! Seeing the city after 7 years feels like a dream. He had always lived in New York, but he knew seeing the city again wasn't why he was crying. After 7 years, he would have the woman he loved in his arms again. He could hold her and tell her he loved her in person. He could help her raise Noah, give her the family she's always wanted. Of course, he wanted to see his kids again too, but he would wait until he was settled in to contact them. He wasn't even sure where exactly they were, what they had been told. It scared him and he knew he needed to start on solid ground. He would stay with Olivia if she let him. Course he knew if she let him, he'd stay with her forever. Or they'd get somewhere together, then once he was back on his feet he would get to know his kids again. He knew one thing for sure though, his Olivia had been through a lot without him in the past 7 years. He was never leaving her again. He would stay with her and love her. He would make sure she never felt undeserving of love again. He would be there for her because even though they didn't work together anymore, they were partners for better or worse. He just hoped his kids would be ok with everything too because he wanted Liv to have a family. With him, Noah, and his kids. Like she had always wanted like they had both always wanted to have together. He would help her heart heal as much as he could, and take care of her even when she fought his help. This was his life now. He was back in the city, but he wasn't home yet. _She_ was his home because home is where the heart is.

He's in the city, but he won't be home till she's in his arms again.

Olivia Benson was his home.. because she will always be where his heart is.

 **A/N: A bit shorter since this is kind of a filler chapter, I thought it would be good to have a chapter from just Elliot's perspective. But, he's almost home! Thanks to all who are taking time to read and/or review! I really appreciate it.**


	4. Reunited and Whole Again

**A/n: For the sake of the timeline of events in which Elliot left that are described in this chapter, lets pretend that Jenna's case didn't happen.**

When she arrives back at the precinct after lunch, there's a twinkle in her eyes. A glimmer of hope and happiness on her face that hadn't been present in years. There's a certain strength and confidence to her steps that hadn't been present since he was by her side. The squad room is almost empty, Amanda and Sonny had left to go question someone for a case, and she assumes Fin is still at lunch.

Fin is the first to arrive back and immediately notices something different.

"Hey Liv, you meet someone at lunch?" He asks and she laughs.

"Fin, when do I even have time to do that anymore? Seriously."

"You just look..well..happy, refreshed, relaxed, carefree, I haven't seen you with that look since-he-since" She rolls her eyes and her smile widens.

"Fin you can say his name you know."

"That look Liv..that's..that's your Stabler look." She pauses before responding

"He's coming home Fin, Elliot's coming home." She's laughing through tears of joy

and he looks confused for a moment.

"Coming home? Liv I don't know what's going on but, Elliot left everyone even his own kids out of his own free will, he abandoned you like the selfish moron he is."

Her expression changed and she shot him a death glare that, if looks could kill, would have taken him out in an instant. She knew Cragen may not have told the rest of the squad that Elliot had been placed in Witness Protection, so it wasn't Fin's fault, but she immediately felt defensive of her partner. Her tone was low and dangerous when she spoke

"Don't. Ever. Talk About Him. Like That. Again." Fin is silent, shocked by her sudden change in mood.

"Elliot Stabler would never just abandon anyone, especially his kids, and he is not selfish, you hear me?"

"Baby girl, I know you miss him, but it's been 7 years and-"

"STOP!" She cuts him off, and has to remind herself that what he's saying isn't true, that she will see Elliot again in just a few hours. She sees Fin's expression and her glare softens.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry it's just-Cragen didn't tell you did he?"

"Tell me what?"

"7 years ago, El started receiving threats. It started out as just letters, that we thought were harmless and figured it was just some pissed off perp we had locked up. Then one day Kathy called him while we were on a stakeout, she was crying uncontrollably. Said someone had left a voicemail message at their house saying they knew where he lived and they would kill him and his family in their sleep." Liv is shaking now, remembering her own fear she felt at the thought of losing him permanently. "I had never been so scared in my life, and I made him stay with me that night so he would be safe. Kathy took the kids to her parents house. We had no idea who they were or how they knew Elliot, just that his life was in serious danger. We called Cragen and told him and he told us to come to the precinct and stay in the cribs cause we would be safer there. Then-" She doesn't realize she's crying or close to hyperventilating until Fin helps her sit in the chair at the desk.

"Cragen called us into his office that next morning and told us that..that they had found a bomb..rigged to our squad car-"

"Oh my god Liv"

"Whoever this was, they hated Elliot and they wanted to kill him and the people he cared about. They had been following him, we think, for awhile and were planning a time to strike. Elliot never seemed as worried for himself as he was about his family and the squad-"

"You mean _you_ Liv, he worried about you way more than he worried about us. He loved you, deeply, we could all see it. That's why him leaving was such a surprise."

"I know he does..and I love him too..so much, but neither one of us could act on it you know? It wasn't appropriate, he was married and we were partners. It would have caused all kinds of problems. Anyway he completely ignored the fact that the bomb had been planted to kill him too and demanded that Cragen put a detail on me. I was so frustrated with him for ignoring the threat to his own life, I tried to tell him this wasn't about me but he wouldn't listen. I guess we were both just scared and worried and protective of each other and ended up not really speaking for most of the day, but we never left each other's side. He still drove me home that night, like he always did, and stayed with me. We ended up ordering takeout and talking for hours, opening up about how scared we were for each other. It was unusual for us you know? We were the type of people who kept our feelings inside, opening up like that was rare."

She sniffles and wipes her tears before continuing. "He didn't come right out and tell me he loved me that night, but I think..looking back on that conversation..I think I knew. He told me he wasn't gonna risk my safety or his kids without taking precaution. That we were too important to him to lose."

"You guys were his world Liv" He replies gently, assuming the worst.

"Are, present tense..he's..he's not dead Fin." She corrects but smiles to let him know she's not angry with him. "He's my world too, before Noah he was the only family I really had. The longest relationship I ever had. We went into work together the next morning and Cragen called him into his office. That was the day he had me work cases with you, because he figured it would be safer for Elliot to stay at the precinct until whoever was threatening him was caught. We got back to the squad room a few hours later and.." She trails off, fighting back more tears. "That was when Cragen called me into his office and said that El had put his papers in. That he was gone and wasn't coming back. I never heard from him after that and I was devastated, and terrified that something might have happened to him."

"He left to protect you, ok that makes sense, I'll accept that, but he still could have called you."

"Not exactly. He DID leave to protect me but, it's not what you think. 3 years went by with no contact whatsoever, I just assumed he couldn't take the fear anymore. But I didn't understand at the time either, why he couldn't have at least called me to let me know he was ok. Why he didn't say goodbye. I was terrified that he might have gotten hurt, or worse." Her voice broke at the thought. Pull yourself together, he's ok, you'll see him soon. "Then-" She pauses momentarily, as if worried that saying the next part out loud would bring her assailant back to life. She notices her wrist feels sore, as if remembering being broken. When she takes a deep breath and continues, her voice is small and quiet and she's looking down at the floor.

"Then..then Lewis..happened." She's shaking, and Fin is immediately at her side. She hadn't opened up to them about all that happened, even in court..and Fin wonders if the situation was worse than she let on, as it is clear that she's still haunted by the memory. Still, she pushes herself to continue.

"Liv..did he-"

"Not now Fin I..I can't talk about _that he_ right now ok I-you asked about Elliot, not Lewis, please just.. let me talk about Elliot." She pleads as if reaching for an anchor, for the strength even thinking about her partner provides. Saying Elliot's name twice seems to keep her afloat and block memories of Lewis from consuming her. _Lewis is dead, Elliot isn't. Elliot will be here soon, I'll feel safe again soon. Elliot wouldn't let anyone hurt me. Elliot will protect me, like he always has._ She tells herself in order to control her breathing. Fin immediately feels guilty and wraps her in a tight hug.

"I'm sorry baby girl, I'm so sorry, you don't have to tell me anything about that scum. Just think about Elliot ok, just Elliot." She's trembling like a leaf, and he walks into her office for a minute and brings out the framed picture she kept of her and Elliot at one of the precinct Christmas parties. Placing it in her hands in hopes that seeing her partner's warm smile will keep her grounded, keep her in the present. It helps a little, and she continues, looking at the picture to hold herself steady.

 _You're thinking about someone aren't you, mom? Dad? Boyfriend? No, someone else, someone you would give anything to see just one more time...you'll scream their name, hoping they'll come save you but they can't_. The flashback hits her, hard and unexpected and she sinks down to the floor. _She ended up doing exactly what Lewis told her she would do, calling out for her 'knight in shining armor' when she was too scared and helpless to fight. Elliot..Elliot where are you? Help me..please..El I need you...please help me. She had screamed and_ sobbed _while h_ e.. _he_. _._

Fin is kneeling down next to her, realizing she's having a bad flashback and trying to coax her back to the present.

"Liv, Liv it's just me, it's Fin, you're safe. Lewis isn't here. Tell me about Elliot Liv, your partner, Elliot Stabler. Don't think about _him_ anymore Liv, just Elliot..just your El. You don't have to finish the story if it relates to what you're thinking about right now. Tell me where Elliot is Liv, that's what you were trying to explain right? You said he's coming home, which means you've been back in touch with him, so that's good. Where's Elliot Liv? Just Elliot."

"Elliot?" She whimpers, her panic still there but slowly fading,

"Yeah, that's it Liv. You're not _there_ , wherever your mind just took you, you're here in the squad room with me, trying to set me straight for calling Elliot selfish. You were trying to tell me what really happened to him but that might be a little too much for you right now."

"I-I"

Her phone rings and she jumps, panic beginning to set back in. Fin looks at the caller ID and answers, thinking that maybe hearing the caller's voice will help her. While he wasn't Elliot, Nick was there when Lewis happened and would understand.

"Liv-"

"Where is Elliot? I need him, where is he? Lewis is gonna-oh god, help me..please!" She sobs into the phone.

"Hey Liv, Fin told me you were having a flashback, it's gonna be ok. No one's gonna hurt you I promise, it's all over. It's just me, it's just Nick." Nick's voice is gentle and soothing, not as much as Elliot's but enough that it breaks through her panic a little.

"N-Nick?"

"Hey partner. I was calling because I wanted you to know that Elliot's plane is getting ready to land, I just got an alert on my phone."

"His-his plane?" Her mind is still a blur between past and present and it takes her a minute to register what he's saying.

"Yeah, I'm gonna text him alright, I'll tell him he needs to get to the precinct as soon as he can, I'll let him know you need him ok?"

"Ok"

"And I'll tell Fin where he's been ok, that way you won't have to talk about it anymore."

"T-Thank you" Her panic is fading, but her hand is still shaking as she gives the phone back to Fin. There's a pause for a few minutes as Nick is likely explaining that Elliot's been in Witness Protection, and that the first time he and Olivia talked again was right after the Lewis ordeal, which is what triggered her flashback and panic attack. Fin's voice seems distant as Liv is trying to come back into the present, but she hears him say

"Witness Protection? Ok, that makes a lot more sense. God I'm such an idiot, shouldn't have just thought he would just abandon her. They're letting him come home?" It's with those words that she breaks out of the nightmare she was reliving in her mind and remembers that Elliot was coming home. _It's all over_ , _everything's_ _ok_. _Breathe_ , _just_ _breathe_. She is back in the present at last and immediately feels embarrassed and ashamed. She's a seasoned SVU lieutenant who just had a breakdown in the middle of her squad room. How pathetic. She should be able to take care of herself, she shouldn't need anyone to come to her rescue. She had brought that up to Elliot once, after Sealview, and he had told her that there was no shame in needing someone. She was still a human, even though she was a cop, and being scared didn't make her weak. Having a full blown panic attack at work though just seemed unprofessional to her and she was glad Fin was the only one around to see it. She excused herself back into her office when she noticed Amanda and Sonny getting off the elevator. She wasn't embarrassed to break down in front of Fin, he had known her for years and had seen her at her worst. The younger detectives though didn't have that kind of friendship with her yet, and for them to see their boss falling apart in the middle of the room would be unacceptable. Her tears of panic mixed with tears of shame and she closed her door and allowed herself to sob softly at her desk.

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She must have cried herself to sleep, because she opens her eyes and notices it's darker outside her window. It's not too late though, because lights are still on in the squad room and Fin, Amanda, and Sonny are all still working at their desks. There was a knock on the door that made her jump slightly, panic from her flashback earlier still lingered. She wipes her eyes, clears her throat and attempts to make herself look presentable before saying

"Come in"

The man who enters her office is a bit thinner than she remembers, but still muscular. What's left of his hair is turning grey and he's starting to grow a goatee on his formerly clean shaven face. He's older, but those blue eyes, that are looking at her lovingly, beginning to form tears are still calming. His smile, possibly wider than she's ever seen it, still makes her heart warm. He's still

"Elliot?" She asks, and wonders if she's dreaming. Clearly hoping but not daring to believe. He closes her door and steps in fully. He is careful as he walks closer to her. Fin had told him she had a flashback earlier and that she might be a little jumpy, but that she really needed him. He can't even form words because he would probably start crying, and she needed him to be strong for her right now. She needed a rock to lean on.

She stands shakily as he reaches out his arms to her and she's there in seconds, wrapped up in his embrace. They hold onto each other as tight as possible without causing pain, refusing to let each other go. She's sobbing uncontrollably from relief and happiness and he can feel her shake against him, her earlier panic still in the back of her mind. They'll talk and catch up later, for now he just comforts her like he wished he had been able to do when they had that first phone call after Lewis.

"It's alright Livia, it's alright, I'm here now, I've got you sweetheart, let it out, I've got you. You're safe now, I'm not gonna let anyone hurt you." He holds her tight and sways them from side to side, comforting her as she cries. He doesn't ask her anything, just holds her, whispering words of comfort in her ear. She buries her face into his neck, breathing in his scent she missed so much. He places a gentle kiss to the top of her head and continues to hold her and comfort her. His arms locked tightly around her are a cocoon, protecting her from the monster who's haunting her thoughts. Shielding her from the storm in her mind. His voice is her security blanket, soothing her, providing her with warmth and love.

She snuggles in closer, taking comfort in his embrace that feels safe and warm, like home. And as she feels the ache in her heart begin to fade, for the first time in 7 years,

She feels whole again.

 **A/N: Longest chapter I have ever written! Hope you enjoyed their reunion, and there will be more I promise! Next chapter they will talk more, but I liked the idea of ending this chapter like this :) Wishing everyone a wonderful holiday season and thanks for reading!**


	5. Unconditional Love

She didn't feel the panic anymore, she had stopped shaking, and though she still occasionally shed a tear, it was out of happiness. They didn't loosen their grip on each other though; still clinging to each other like a lifeline, refusing to let go. He pulled back slightly, but still kept one arm locked around her waist as he brought his other hand up to cup her face. He wiped away her stray tears and leaned his forehead against hers.

"I missed you so much Olivia." He whispered and she looked up at him, her lips brushing against his.

"I missed you too." Her voice isn't shaking anymore, but when he looks at her he can see that she's emotionally exhausted. She's still beautiful like she always has been in his eyes, but he can tell that the years of stress, worry, fear, and pain have taken a toll on her. She had been through hell without him, and although it wasn't his fault that he had been gone from her life for 7 years, he couldn't help but feel guilty. He wished he could go back in time, take all her pain away, protect her when she needed him the most. But all he could do now was be there for her, to wipe her tears, and give her the love she deserves and has been missing. He leans in and kisses her sweetly, pouring his love for her into one simple kiss, and lets a few tears of his own fall. It's the first time in years that she doesn't feel numb, and she kisses him back, her tears mixing with his. She's happy, so happy that if she's dreaming she never wants to wake up. They pull back when they need to breathe and he nuzzles his nose against hers, his goatee tickling her chin and she laughs.

"What?" She kisses his chin and smirks at him.

"All those years as partners and I don't think you ever came to work with a single whisker on your face. Then suddenly I'm not with you and you forget to shave?" He rubs his cheek against hers and chuckles.

"I'm an old man, I don't need to shave anymore." She laughs again and rolls her eyes.

"Oh please, don't say that, if you're old..that means I'm old too." He grins and responds teasingly

"Well…"

"Hey!" She smacks his chest lightly. "You're lucky I love you Stabler."

"I love you more Benson." He kisses her forehead, his lips lingering for a moment.

"Right and calling a woman old is SUCH a great way of showing how much you love her" She responds, but smiles so he knows she's not angry with him.

"Your age doesn't matter, you're still as gorgeous as you always have been in my eyes. You're perfect"

"Trying to butter me up now huh?"

"Nah, purely stating a fact."

"Man I missed you"

"You'll never have to again, I promise" There's a knock on the door and she groans in annoyance.

"This better be REALLY important. Who's bleeding?" She calls and Elliot laughs at the annoyed sarcasm in her voice and starts to pull away from her, but she snuggles back into him, laying the side of her head on his shoulder so she's facing the door, but not wanting to leave his warmth. Barba steps into her office

"Haven't gotten a paper cut yet today but thanks for your concern. Am I interrupting something?"

"Yes, you are but I forgive you. El this is Rafael Barba, our ADA. Rafa this is Elliot Stabler, my _old_ partner." She puts emphasis on the word 'old' to get back at him for their earlier banter and he just smiles and rolls his eyes.

"Nice to meet you sir, I don't mean to break up your reunion. Just wanted to check on Liv, the last case was pretty rough on her..but she seems pretty happy right now." She looks at Elliot and rests her head against his cheek.

"I really am."

"Good. Take a few days off to rest and spend time with him Liv, you deserve it. Plus I know you have plenty of vacation days."

"I will" Both men look surprised.

"Did Olivia Benson just agree to take time off work, without any argument?"

"Oh shut it Stabler, or you're sleeping on the couch tonight." She responds playfully, but the threat isn't sincere because there's no way she would intentionally be separated from him tonight. They hadn't seen each other in 7 years, and she wasn't letting him go that easily, even if it was just sleeping in different rooms.

"You must be a pretty special guy Elliot, I don't think she's taken a single day off willingly in the 5 years I've known her."

"I'd like to think I have that effect on her." He smirks and she rolls her eyes and laughs.

"Oh he did NOT need that ego boost." She looks into his eyes and smiles. "But yes, he's very special to me." She gives him a peck on the lips before turning back to Barba.

"I can see that. I'm gonna head home now, I'll see you when you get back."

"Ok, thanks."

"And Stabler?"

"Yeah"

"Take good care of her, she's been through a lot."

"I will, there's no place I'd rather be." Then Barba leaves and it's just them again. It's darker outside now, and the squad room is mostly empty. As if reading her mind, Elliot yawns.

"You ready to go home baby?" She asks him, leaning her head against his.

"Honey you are my home, as long as I'm with you I don't care where we go. But yes, I could use some sleep." He responds and she kisses him softly before moving away from him so they could walk out of her office. She immediately feels cold from the loss of contact and momentarily questions if it had really been real, if he was there, if he had been holding her and she wasn't dreaming. He notices and laces their fingers together, squeezing her hand to let her know he's still there.

* * *

They arrive at her apartment and he steps inside first, going back into his protective partner mode and checking for any sign of danger before letting her go in.

"Elliot-" She knows what he's doing and rolls her eyes at him, even though she can't deny that she's missed his protective nature towards her. It was one of the things she loved most about him. He always made her feel safe, no matter the situation.

"What" he responds innocently and she raises her eyebrows, her eyes telling him 'you know what'

"Livvie come on, I haven't been able to be overprotective in years, let me be your protector again..pleease?" He pouts and she laughs, giving him a kiss.

"Fine, you're lucky you're impossible to resist. Sometimes I wonder how I put up with you for 12 years." She responds teasingly

"Because you love me."

"Very very much..but you can still be a pain in my-"

"Ouch!" He laughs and fakes insult

"Bruised your ego?"

"It'll survive"

"Oh, great" she rolls her eyes and pauses before remembering something he said earlier.

"Since when do you call me Livvie?"

"I was trying to sound adorable so you'd give in"

"Wow" she shakes her head and laughs.

"It worked didn't it" she kisses him deeply to shut him up.

"Mmm..you miss Benson are making it very hard for me to remember that I have to behave because there's a kid in this apartment." The tone of his voice makes her shiver.

"Actually there's not." She wraps her arms around his neck. "I uh, I let Noah spend the night at his grandma's tonight."

"Sheila?"

"Yeah. I wasn't sure about her at first but, I've talked to her a few times. She seems like a genuinely nice person and I felt bad you know? She's his only connection to his birth mother, she has the right to be in his life. She babysat him for me the other day and I think they had fun. I worry about him but...I want him to be happy. It's hard to know what the right decision is sometimes but..I figured it's only one night. Is that-does that make me a bad mom?

"Not at all. You're a great mom Liv. Parenting isn't meant to be easy, we just do what we feel is best for them and hope at the end of the day they know we tried. They'll know everything we did was because we love them." She turns away from him when she tears up, ashamed that he's seen her cry so much today. It made her feel weak. Worthless.

"He told me I work too much, that he wishes Lucy was his mom." He can hear her voice break and knows she's trying not to cry.

"Oh sweetheart, come here." He pulls her back into his arms and wipes her tears. "You never have to hide your tears from me honey. And you know he didn't mean that, he's 4 years old Liv. He's not old enough to understand how the job works, that you wish you could be with him. But he still loves you I promise. Trust me, I've been there. Working SVU with 5 kids at home, it's..tough when they're little. But once they got older they understood. Noah will too." She chokes on a sob.

"But he's right El. Lucy's been with him more than I have and I'm his MOTHER. I've always wanted to be a mom Elliot, and now that I finally am I don't feel like I'm doing anything right."

"I don't think Kathy or I ever felt like we were either. We just did the best we could, that's all you can do Liv. As long as Noah's happy and healthy and loved you're doing something right. And he is Liv, there's no doubt in my mind that you love that little boy and that you've been a wonderful mother to him. He knows you love him and he loves you too even if he doesn't understand everything you do yet. And I'm here now, you're not alone anymore. Let me help you through this, let me be a rock for you to lean on. You've carried this weight long enough, let me lighten your load. I'm not going anywhere."

"I love you." She sniffles and snuggles into his embrace.

"And I love you, immeasurably. And I always will, don't ever doubt that. I'm your partner, maybe not at work anymore but I'll be your life partner..if you'll have me..for better or worse." Her heart swells with affection for him and more tears fall at his words. She can't remember a time when someone made her feel as loved, as special as the man holding her does. He leans down and kisses away her tears, then gives her a loving kiss on the lips.

"So..we're really the only ones here tonight?" He asks, glancing at the bedroom and attempting to lighten the mood. She laughs through her tears and smirks.

"Yep, just us." He leans down and whispers in her ear.

"Let me take away your pain Liv." He kisses her earlobe."Let me help you relax." He plants a kiss on her eyelids, forehead, and nose. "Let me show you how much I love you." He kisses her, deeply and lovingly.

"Ok." she smiles and closes her eyes and leans her forehead against his as he picks her up and carries her to her bedroom.

 **A/N: Not gonna write the scene, it's free to your imaginations :)**

 **Next: They talk more, and Elliot meets Noah**


	6. Even Rocks Need Something to Lean On

**A/N: What else is there to do when you're cooped up in your room sick all week but write, and what else do you write when you're on Christmas break and have no essays due? 3 chapters updated in a week! My Christmas gift to y'all. Plus how can anyone be depressed when writing about Liv and El? They're like a dose of happy! medicine (see what I did there? heehee) Ok, I'm done rambling. Here's chapter 6:**

* * *

The sunlight filtered through the windows; shining on the couple that lay wrapped tightly in each other's arms. Elliot moves to stretch and the loss of contact causes Olivia to stir from sleep.

"El, what time is it?" She stretches and then snuggles back into him, resting her head on his chest and planting a few small kisses. He rubs the sleep from his eyes before glancing at his phone. His eyes widening.

"Uhh..11:30."

"Are you serious!? Holy crap I don't think I've slept that good in years, maybe ever."

"Guess I really wore you out last night huh?" He smirks and she laughs, smacking him lightly.

"Please, I'm the one who wore _you_ out. _You're_ the one that's old remember?"

"Hey, you seemed to think this _old_ guy was in pretty good shape last night."

"You're impossible. Seriously though, this was the first time I've been able to sleep through the night since-" She trails off and shutters. His arm around her waist tightens, letting her know he's here. Not Lewis.

"It's ok sweetheart, I'm right here, you're safe." She smiles and kisses his shoulder where her head was resting.

"That was what I was trying to say. Being here with you, being in your arms, you make me feel safe El. Warm, loved. It was the first time in so long I've been able to sleep without being afraid. Without having a nightmare or a flashback or having too much on my mind to even _get_ to sleep. I'm so glad you're home."

"So am I. I always want you to feel safe with me Liv, always. I'm gonna protect you to my last breath, even when you fight me for being, as you call it: ' _over_ protective'." She rolls her eyes but her smile widens.

"Have I told you lately that I love you?"

"Only about 10 times in the past 12 hours. And don't worry, I heard you loud and clear." She laughs and snuggles closer to him.

"Well good, because I do. I don't remember a time I felt this comfortable, this relaxed. This whole." He smiles and leans down to give her a gentle kiss.

"Good. Cause I don't plan on ever leaving you again and I was hoping you were ok with that."

"You better not, you're mine Elliot Stabler and believe me there's no way I'm giving you up without a fight. If someone even so much as hints at wanting to try and take you away from me again; they're gonna be sorry."

"You don't have to worry about that anymore, it's all over."

"Good." He leaves one arm wrapped around her as she moves away from him to grab her phone off the nightstand and check her messages. "Nick texted, asking if I'm ok after yesterday, and-"

"Are you? And don't just say 'I'm fine' because you know I can see right through it." He raises his eyebrows at her.

"Yes, I have you, I'm absolutely perfect."

"If you need to talk about anything, I'm here. You never have to hide from me Liv." He squeezes her hand.

"I know El, but I'm serious...I feel well rested and relaxed. I'm not panicking right now, I'm ok." She smiles at him. "That thing you mentioned earlier..about you being overprotective?"

"I know I know but I told you Liv that's just how I'm gonna be with you. I love you too much to not be overprotective, you mean too much to me." He gently cups her cheek in his hand. "I know you can take care of yourself, but that doesn't mean you _always_ have to." She kisses his nose.

"You didn't let me finish El, I was going to say that you _were_ being overprotective but that was what I've missed the most about you. It's been weird, going 7 years without having to blink my lights when I got home from work. Actually, for the first two weeks you were gone I still did, just to myself." They both laugh at the image of her blinking her lights for no reason at all.

"First couple weeks I was in the program, I couldn't drive a car."

"Wha-why? That's an odd rule."

"Wasn't a rule, it was me. I was so used to having someone riding with me, whether it was you or Kathy or one of my kids. Driving solo just felt weird. My parents didn't get me a car until my senior year of high school, by that time Kathy and I were together with Maureen on the way. Then of course when I joined the Marines, started as a cop I always had a partner or someone riding with me. I've spent a quarter of my life driving with at least one other person in the car. It was a huge adjustment, especially cause the first car they gave me when I went into the program..was a Crown Victoria. Same type you and I had, different color but still. I couldn't even look at that thing at first without wanting to cry.

"That..must have been hard. Why'd they give you a car that was so similar to the one you had here?" He shrugged

"Familiarity I guess? This might freak you out, but I had a picture of you in my wallet, sometimes I'd put it in the passenger seat next to me and pretend I was really talking to you."

"Except the picture didn't talk back."

"Didn't argue with me you mean?" He responds teasingly and chuckles. "Actually, sometimes it did. I'd hear your voice in my head, tried imagining how you might respond to something I said. I never wanted to forget you." They shared a warm smile.

"About a month after you left, Nick and I had a particularly hard case. He was just, trying to be a good partner, trying to get to know me better, make sure I was ok. I knew he didn't mean anything by it, but he offered to buy me dinner and drive me home like you used to. Even was gonna order Chinese cause he heard me say it was my favorite."

"Yeah?"

"I slapped him..so hard that he had to wear an ice pack for the rest of the night, and still had a bruise the next morning. I felt bad, so the next night I offered to buy _him_ dinner and he was worried about me so he agreed. We stopped at the Chinese place and the waitress that normally served you and I came to the table. Everything was ok until she asked Nick if he wanted to order that new soup that you really loved. The one you ate the last time I saw you. He, not knowing that it was 'our thing', agreed to try it. Saying it sounded good and.. I just lost it."

"You slapped him _again?_ " He was slightly amused. She rolled her eyes at his expression.

"No, I just burst into tears. Screaming at him, accused _him_ of being the one who had stalked you, threatened you, done something to you, and now that you were gone was trying to replace you. It was totally irrational but, I was such a mess that I couldn't stop myself. One of the other customers called the cops, ironically, saying there was some crazy lady screaming at her 'date'. 2 guys from narcotics showed up, assuming I was on something."

"Oh my gosh." Even though it wasn't really funny, they both had to stifle laughter at that.

"Nick stood up and told them it was alright, that we were cops too, from Special Victims and had just closed a hard case. One of the officers happened to be a friend of Fin's when he worked for their unit. So Fin comes, doesn't say a word just drives me home and I was pretty much inconsolable. Course Cap got word of what had happened and told me to take the rest of the week off. I got into my apartment, put on one of your hoodies you left in my closet and stayed in bed crying for 3 days."

"And Cragen _still_ wouldn't tell you where I was? I told him the first time you were in danger to get them to let you talk to me! I may not have been able to be _here_ but that didn't mean I was just gonna neglect you. Not when you really needed me." He was tense and looked like he wanted to snap Cragen's head off or punch a wall or something. She knew his anger too well, of course, most of the time it was because of how protective he was, but he had no reason to be. Still, she was the only one who could calm him down.

"I wasn't in danger Elliot, I was just grieving, heartbroken."

"And knowing you that probably means you weren't taking care of yourself. You were blaming yourself. You weren't sleeping, weren't eating..that counts as being in danger Liv, at least to me. I'm so sorry. I can't believe he waited 3 years to tell you, that he'd wait until-" She squeezes his hand.

"And I'm thankful, so thankful that he told me then. Because I have never been so scared in my life El." Her voice cracks but she continues. "There was no way I could have survived if I hadn't heard your voice, no-no way I would have been able to-to…" She is struggling to control her own breathing and he wraps her in his arms again, comforting her, letting her know he's there. Immediately hating himself for making her think about what happened to her that year for the 2nd time in 24 hours.

"Shhh it's ok, it's alright Liv, you-honey you _did_ survive. But it wasn't because of me, it was because you're strong, so strong. It's all over now sweetheart, it's all over." She takes a shaky breath and relaxes in his embrace. "I should never have hinted at that or brought it up Liv, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." He plants a light kiss on the top of her head and it seems to keep her grounded.

"It's fine Elliot I'm, I'm ok. I guess I'm still shaken up from having that flashback yesterday I didn't mean to react the way I did. I'm the one who's sorry, god I've cried in front of you more in the past couple days than I think I ever did when we were partners-"

"Liv, for one thing, I told you last night that we _are_ still partners. It was never just about the job for us, you know that." She gives him a small smile. "Olivia do you remember that case, it's been almost 10 years ago now, I had taken off for Kathy's grandma's funeral? You and Fin were looking for the baby of a marine that had been killed. It was about 6 months after Sealview, and.. _god_ I'm terrible about bringing up the past-" She laughs lightheartedly at his rambling.

"I'm not made of glass El, you can bring up whatever you want. I know I'm safe with you. I'll always feel safe with you. But yes, I know which case you're talking about. Pruitt really surprised me with how kind he was, especially after I nearly shot him while having a flashback. He actually sent me a letter the week of Lewis's trial-" Hearing the name 'Lewis' sends Elliot back into protective mode and he panics.

"Liv I didn't mean, you don't have to, I wasn't bringing that case up to bring up _him_ again Liv I-"

"Elliot, I need you to do something for me. There's something we need to do _together_ and it will be good for both of us. I promise. You trust me don't you?"

"Of course I do. Isn't that my line?"

"Not right now it isn't." She sits up, facing him and takes both of his hands in hers. "Elliot I need you to squeeze my hands, not too hard but firm enough to hold them in place. To keep me grounded, and I'm gonna do the same for you ok."

"Liv what is this-"

"El..please." They're both squeezing each other's hands now, firmly and reassuringly.

"Look at me Elliot, we need to see each other's eyes clearly. We're a team, a partnership, this can only work if we are completely focused on each other, no one can hurt us when we're together. We're too strong, always have been. We balance each other, keep each other safe, build each other up."

"Liv, you-you're kind've scaring me."

"We feel each other's pain El, we really do. That's why I know that I'm not the only one traumatized by what happened to me, whether it was the beach house, the granary, the basement. We've solved a lot of problems together, saved a lot of people together, but..somewhere along the way I think we forgot that we have to heal _ourselves_ together too." He just nods, encouraging her to continue. She moves their hands, one set to where her heart is and the others to his so they can feel each other's heartbeats.

"You're my other half Elliot, but I didn't always realize that and I don't think you did either. It was so much easier for us to shut each other out..but that's how _they_ win."

"Who?" She swallows hard and takes a deep breath, his eyes keeping her calm. _I'm doing this for Elliot and I, no one else is here. No one can hurt me. It's just El._

"Harris, Lewis, White, whoever threatened you, they win when we don't talk to each other. When we're together they can't be in our heads, there's no room, they're not strong enough for BensonandStabler. Separately maybe but not when we're together. Talk to me Elliot, because I can tell you're just as scared of what happened as I am, for a different reason..but you kept it inside for so long."

"Which time?"

"Any of them. Because you're always so careful when talking about something that happened to me and I don't think it's because you think I'm made of glass. I know you're trying to protect me, you always are, but I feel like if we are both too afraid to say their names..the healing process won't work. But, saying the name doesn't make them _here_..that's what sent me into a flashback yesterday but I wasn't in the right frame of mind. I shut Fin out, and I shut you out, both times. And I didn't see the pain, the guilt, the fear it caused you and I'm so sorry for that." Her eyes are shining with tears now.

"Liv-" He whispers soothingly, likely to comfort her. Calm her with his gentle, loving words like he always did, but she couldn't let him carry all the weight anymore. She couldn't let him hold her, comfort her while he kept his own pain inside of him..afraid of scaring her if he talked about anything. She was his partner, she was supposed to protect him too, and right now she felt like she hadn't. They had _both_ been traumatized. They were _both_ afraid, but when they were together they could work through anything.

"Let me finish El, please. You've always been the one to comfort _me_ , take care of me even when I fought you for it. You've _always been there._ I just didn't always _see_ you, and I'm sorry." He opens his mouth to say something but is silent. He knew she needed him to listen, so he gave her hand a squeeze instead.

"I want you to know...that I _do_ feel safe with you Elliot. I always have, and I want to make sure..that _you_ feel safe with _me_ too. Because I don't think I've asked you that, and it's important."

"Of course I do." He gives her a small, reassuring smile.

"Good. Because I need you to tell me something that's going to be hard for you, and I need you to know that I'm here, no one else. Just _me._ " She repeats his usual words of comfort back to him: _I'm here, it's just me, no one else is here, nothing's gonna hurt you, you're safe._

"You can ask me anything Liv."

"I know I can, but let me take the weight off your shoulders for a moment ok, let's carry it together. Sometimes even the rocks need something to lean on, even the heroes need to be saved." *******

* * *

 *****A/N: Not the end of the chapter, but I need to give credit where it is due. The line 'even the heroes need to be saved' is not originally mine. It is a quote from the Fanfiction Scarred by Definition of A Writer on the House of Anubis page of this site. I thought it fit well here but still wanted to give her credit. She is an incredible writer and whether you've heard of the show or not doesn't really matter because it's an AU story. Emotional but with a powerful message. "Scarred" deals with similar topics that Law and Order: SVU does..but more from the perspective of a victim and how she finds people that help her heal. I will paste the link at the end of this chapter for anyone who would like to check it out.**

* * *

He takes a deep breath. "Ok."

"I know what I went through, both at Sealview and with Lewis still haunts you, and I want to give you the chance to tell me why it's hurting you so much to talk about it. To mention their names, because I can see pain, deep pain in your eyes any time it comes up..and I want to be there for you. I want to listen. You won't trigger me, they can't get to me when I'm with you. _Ever._ You can say their names. They can't beat _us_ El." She squeezes his hands a little harder, holding them close to her heart. Both to keep herself steady and to provide him with strength.

"What was your biggest fear, Elliot? Why do you feel guilty?" Her voice is gentle, loving, comforting. He looks away for a moment and when their eyes lock again, she can see tears in his. She tries to encourage him, with her own eyes, with a comforting smile and hand squeeze like he's often done for her. Her phone dings and he jumps slightly.

"It's just Sheila, I told her she and Noah could go out to lunch. That I had something to take care of and I was fine with her bringing him home around 3. She was just thanking me. We have time baby. Talk to me, _please_." He takes a breath, trying to figure out how to start.

"I can only handle talking about _one_ of the times right now I think-I just-" he sniffles. Trying to hold in the tears, and she gives his hands a reassuring squeeze.

"It's ok. You were gonna tell me something about the case that happened shortly after Sealview. It's been nearly a decade, so that's probably a good place to start" She swallows and keeps her eyes locked with his to hold her steady. "I-i don't think I'm ready to talk about Lewis either. I will, you deserve to know but-"

"It's ok Liv, it's ok. And we're doing this together remember? It's _us_ who isn't ready. Not just you, you're not alone sweetheart. Not anymore" She nods and his eyes keep her breathing calm. His small smile keeps panic from setting in. His hands hold her steady. He gives her a few seconds, making sure she's with him and not alone in her thoughts, before continuing.

"I guess I've just..never forgiven myself"

"You tried to get me out of there El, as soon as you heard about the outbreak." He pauses for a moment.

"During the Gitano case I..you have to know I didn't mean-i was just angry at myself and I projected it on you but-" She knew what he was referring to: " _I shouldn't have to look over my shoulder to make sure you're ok!"_ He looks away when a couple tears fall, ashamed of himself. He doesn't deserve her comfort. He wasn't there for her when she needed him. "I feel I've-like I've failed you"

"Elliot. El, baby look at me. We've _both_ said things out of anger over the years. It doesn't mean we meant it or wanted to hurt each other. I don't hold that against you, at all. That wasn't why I didn't tell you about Sealview right when it happened. We were both hurting and chose to shut each other out instead of talking to each other. _I'm_ the one who left. _I'm_ the one who transferred to computer crimes and then left the state without telling you. _I_ walked out on our partnership, not you."

"I was terrified when you were in Oregon. It was totally irrational but..you were too far away from me for me to be able to protect you. I was your partner-"

" _Are_ my partner." She remembered the comforting words he said to her earlier and gave him a small smile, which he returned.

"I'm your partner, I'm supposed to keep you safe..and yet when you really needed me I was never there." She shakes her head and is quick to reassure him.

"That's not true. Not at all."

"Isn't it? You were hospitalized in Oregon... _assaulted_ in Sealview"

"Things you had _no_ control over. You didn't know I was in Oregon, and Cap put Fin and I undercover at Sealview, you _tried_ to get me out. Harris uh...Harris wasn't even on our radar of possible suspects yet. And he didn't get the chance to go.. _all the way_..with me. Fin got there in time" She shuddered and gripped Elliot's hands for support. "At the time I was too scared to tell anyone, including you. You're my partner, yes, but I guess I thought that telling you would have made it..more real. I wasn't ready to accept that I had let myself be in that position yet."

" you didn't _put_ yourself there Liv, this wasn't your fault. You weren't a cop then, and even if you were..you're still human." He's tempted to reach over and hold her close, comforting her but he knows she's right, he needs to talk to her. They need to work through this together. "You asked me earlier..what my biggest fear was. Why I am so careful to mention things like this in front of you. I was terrified that something would happen to you. That you'd get killed..or you'd be hurt so badly you'd have to leave and-" She's surprised and concerned when he chokes back a sob.

"El, babe I'm ok. I'm right here, I'm ok. Look at me sweetheart..everything's ok." The look on his face broke her heart and she felt tears of her own form.

"But if you weren't, if I'd have lost you..I'd never have the chance to tell you how much you mean to me. How much I love you. You would have died alone, never knowing what it felt like to be loved. Your last memory would have been of whatever monster took your life. And your last memory of me? Would have been me screaming that I shouldn't have to worry about your safety, basically sounding like you mean nothing to me, and that was so wrong of me to say, Olivia. So wrong. I love you so much, and I did then too I just-" _I want this to be the last thing you see before you die._ Lewis's voice threatens to invade her mind but Elliot's death grip on her hands and the tears streaming from his piercing blue eyes prevent the flashback.

"We were both scared El, we didn't know how to react and we yelled at each other instead of listening. And I knew El. I knew I had you, that you loved me..you've done more than enough to show it over the years."

"But I couldn't save you from Lowell Harris." His voice is shaky, and he has to force himself to say the name.

"You saved me from Richard White. You saved me the first time you put a security detail on me our 3rd year as partners even though I fought you for it."

* * *

 **A/N: I've forgotten some of the perp names over the years, so I'm just gonna mention the cases I remember**

* * *

"You've saved me from countless horrible dates over the years by scaring them away." They both laugh through their tears. "And then after those dates, you saved me from drowning in my sorrows by coming over and eating takeout with me on my couch while watching some stupidly hilarious movie. You took care of me when I had the flu, mortgaged your house to bail me out when I was framed for murder. You then saved me from Harrison who was the _real_ perp in that case. You've been my emotional support anytime a case hit too close to home, anytime someone reminded me of my mother. I could go on for days. You're my saving grace Elliot, always have been, since day one, and I love you more than I can put into words." She takes a breath and looks him directly in the eye..his presence keeping her voice strong and steady.

"Lowell Harris..was a cruel, sadistic perp that no, you couldn't save me from. But you would have if you had the choice. I know you would have. But we learned early on in the job Elliot that we can't save everyone, no matter how hard we try. And that includes not being able to save each other _every_ time. No matter how hard we tried. You _were_ there when you could be. When I did eventually tell you about Sealview you were my shoulder to cry on, you stayed on my couch that night in case I had a nightmare. You were quick to comfort me when I blamed myself. You _were_ there when it counted El. That's what matters. And you're here with me now, and I meant what I said. I slept better last night than I have in 7 years because you are here, and anytime you've been able to be with me I've felt safe. Always." He sniffles, his tears letting up, and gives her a shaky smile.

"I guess the reason that I was hesitant to bring _them_ up-"

"It's your way of protecting me from what you weren't physically there to save me from. I know El, but you don't have to worry about that anymore. Harris is gone, he can't get to us, he can't hurt us anymore."

"He didn't get a life sentence though he's still-"

"Not from the court..but he had a heart attack about 8 months ago. Fin told me. He's dead Elliot." He breathes a sigh of relief, and the weight on his shoulders feels a little lighter. They are silent for a minute, taking comfort in each other's gaze.

"Liv?"

"Yes?" He inches closer to her, outstretching an arm.

"Can I hold you now?" She lets him embrace her and rests her head on his shoulder, wrapping an arm around his waist.

"We can hold each other."

So they did.

 **A/N: Took me a few days to finish writing this chapter, so it's the day after Christmas now. I hope everyone had a wonderful weekend :). I watched the Season 10 episode "PTSD" the other day and felt like adding this scene because we never saw them talk about that on the show..and they needed closure. So Noah will show up** _ **next**_ **chapter. Thanks for reading, and here is a link to the fanfiction I mentioned earlier:**

 **s/8808586/1/Scarred**


	7. Family

They held each other for about 15 minutes before deciding to get up and eat brunch. Elliot decided to take a shower while Liv cleaned up and texted Nick back, telling him that 'yes she was ok after yesterday and El got in safely'. She then threw on some sweats, deciding if she was taking off work she might as well relax, and got a hoodie and pants of Elliot's that she still had in her closet for him to change into. She noticed he had finished showering and was shaving, so she decided to tease him a little.

"Thought you were too old to shave anymore." He looks at the door and sees her standing in the doorway smiling with her arms crossed. He smiles back and rolls his eyes.

"Well...I _am_...but figured I could still clean up a little. I don't need a disguise anymore you know?"

She walks over to him and leans against the counter. "I get it El..but uh, does it all have to go? You gotta leave a little for me to enjoy."

"Yeah?" He raises his eyebrow at her and smirks, moving so he's directly in front of her and resting his arms on the counter. Locking her in. "What do you suggest.?" He leans down so his beard is tickling her cheek and she giggles.

"Here." He's surprised but intrigued when she takes some of his shave cream and his razor, and gently shaves along his jawline and cheeks, leaving the stubble on his chin that she loved and giving him a clean looking 5 'o clock shadow while trimming the longer parts of his beard. Making him look a bit younger but not completely clean-shaven like he use to be.

* * *

 **A/N: I was thinking of a contrast between how Chris looks now and how he looked in the selfie they took last December while writing this.**

* * *

"There." They smile and look at each other for a minute. " _Man_ I missed this face." She strokes his now smooth cheek she had cleaned up and feels tears in her eyes. He leans down and kisses her gently on the forehead.

"I bet I missed you more."

"Oh, I don't think that's possible." She moves for a minute to get into a cabinet and he notices she has a bottle of his aftershave lotion.

"I left that here too?" She moves over to him again and starts applying the lotion to his face.

"I bought some..I uh" She trails off and looks into his eyes to hold herself steady. "After Lewis had me, for the first few months I was having severe flashbacks. Worse than what I had yesterday and..and the nightmares-" She shivered. "God why is this affecting me so much, it's been 4 years I just-"

"It's ok Liv, I'm right here." He wraps his arms around her waist protectively and his words give her the strength to continue.

"You know from the job that certain familiar smells can help keep a victim grounded when having PTSD symptoms-" His heart aches when she refers to herself as a victim. She should never have been one because he should've been there. He should've protected her. "After Cragen told me where you were and I talked to you on the phone, I didn't have a flashback for the rest of the evening and only woke up from a nightmare once. I just kept hearing your voice in my head and that seemed to keep me calm. A few days later, We had caught a case and I wanted to prove that I could handle it but I...I guess I wasn't ready. I had a really bad flashback and started having a panic attack while the victim we were interviewing was having the rape kit done. Turns out that Kathy was her nurse-"

"Kathy as in my ex-wife Kathy?"

" yeah. She saw me and I guess had heard about Lewis. She and Nick were both trying to calm me down but I was so..so terrified that I couldn't focus on anything." She was shaking and if Elliot hadn't been holding her waist she probably would have sunk to the floor.

"Hey..hey come here, come here." He pulls her into his arms and she rests her cheek against his. "Just breathe sweetheart, just breathe. I've got you." She snuggles into him and takes a deep breath, inhaling his scent. _I'm with Elliot. I'm safe. I'm safe._ " Only talk about this if you _want_ to Liv, you don't owe me an explanation. About anything."

" if I never talk about this...if I don't open up, _he'll_ be in my head forever and I don't want that. I want him to just go away."

"He can't get you here remember? He can't beat us when we're together. Let me be your safe place Liv, I'll protect you. I'm your safety remember?"

"I know". She wraps her arms around his waist and rests her head on his chest. Focusing on his heartbeat and his soothing voice.

"Does Kathy know I was in witness protection?" He decides to change the subject for a second. Distracting her from her thoughts. She nods against him, not wanting to leave his comfort.

"Yes, Cragen told her. The older kids know too. I'm not sure about Eli."

"Have you kept in touch with them?"

"Occasionally they'd check on me after the Lewis stuff. Make sure I was ok. When I had the panic attack in the hospital, Kathy called Lizzie and told her to get some of your aftershave and bring it. She hadn't thrown it out. They wrapped me in a blanket and squirted some of your lotion on it. It smelled like you and helped me break out of my panic. Made me feel safer. Kathy told me to keep the bottle, so I took it home and squirted some on my pillow. It made me feel close to you and helped me sleep. I still had nightmares but they weren't as frequent. So I've just kept some on hand in case. Course I didn't need it last night." His heart swelled with affection for her. He loved her so much, and if staying by her side and holding her in his arms was what it took to keep the fear from her heart, he never wanted to let go of her again.

"Well, if you feel like you do, or if you want to talk about anything that happened I'm here ok?

"Ok." He kisses her softly and keeps an arm around her waist as they walk back into the bedroom.

"I've still got some old clothes of yours too if you want to change."

"Thanks." They're interrupted by a knock on the door.

"Sheila's early, I told her she could keep Noah till 3 and it's 1:30. Hope everything's ok."

"I'm sure it is. Maybe he just wanted to come home." He got dressed while she went to the door and looked in the peephole.

"El!" She called from the living room.

"Yeah?"

"I don't know when you were planning on getting back in touch with your family but uh...Kathy's at my door."

"Kathy's at the door? Oh god, what if something happened to one of my kids?" He was immediately concerned and fearing the worst.

"Maybe she just heard you were home and figured you'd be here." She tries to reassure him.

"Well..one of us should probably open the door I guess." He's nervous, both because he hasn't spoken to Kathy or his kids in 7 years and because he's worried about why she is standing outside his partner's door. She squeezes his hand.

"Hey..whatever happens, we're in this together remember?" He takes a deep breath.

"You two realize how thin this door is right? You're not in trouble, the kids are fine, and I'm perfectly fine with you being together. Now open this door and stop acting like your mother came home and caught you partying." Luckily, Kathy sounds amused and not angry. Elliot opens the door and his ex-wife rolls her eyes at his expression.

"Before you start freaking out, Fin called me and told me you were home. I went to the precinct this morning but he told me you were with Liv. It's been 7 years, I just wanted to see you. Breathe." Both women laugh when he breathes a sigh of relief and visibly relaxes, but seems to have a hard time finding words. Olivia speaks up first.

"Can I get you anything? Coffee?

"That would be great, thank you but please relax. I'm just over here to chat." Liv gives her a small smile as she walks back to the kitchen.

"Kathy I...I would have called, I was planning to but-"

"It's fine Elliot, you needed to start on solid ground. You and Olivia have always been close and I don't know how much she's told you but she's been through a lot since you've been gone."

"I know she has." Olivia comes back into the room with Kathy's coffee and hesitantly sits next to Elliot on the couch.

"Thank you. And if it makes you guys more comfortable, I'm remarried. About a year and a half now. His name's Peter and he's a doctor I had been seeing for about 4 years."

"Wow, that's, congratulations."

"Is he a good guy?"

"Yes, he makes me very happy and the kids like him." She realizes what Elliot's asking and continues teasingly. "You don't have to do a background check on him, Dickie's already done one. He's not in CODIS, no criminal record."

"Dickie's a cop?"

"Yep, just patrol right now but hoping to be a detective. He wants to follow in his dad's footsteps."

"Wow, I never would have thought-"

"He was on the fence about it for a couple years, but after he heard what happened to Olivia, that seemed to help him make his career decision."

"How are the others?" He moves the topic away from Olivia's kidnapping and she gives his hand a gentle squeeze.

"Maureen's a nurse now, and has been engaged for about a month to a guy she met in med school."

"What do you think of him?"

"He's a pretty nice guy, they have been together for a couple years now."

"Good."

"Kathleen is doing better, still goes to therapy but the medicine is helping. She's actually a psychologist now."

"My baby is a shrink?" His expression makes both women laugh again.

"Oh, I haven't even told you what Lizzie is studying to be yet."

"Should I be worried?"

"Only if you are arrested and have to go to court. She's in law school, wants to be a lawyer."

"Prosecution or defense?"

"Prosecution."

"Good, if she was a defense attorney I might have a heart attack." They laugh again.

"Eli is 10 years old now, in 4th grade and plays soccer."

"He have any career aspirations yet?"

"Well in his words 'A superhero like his dad'"

"He remembers me?"

"He knows that his father couldn't be here with us right now, and we didn't want him to think you had abandoned him. So Lizzie told him that you were a superhero and had to leave to save the world but you'd be back someday. Of course, he just thought that was so cool and is determined to be one too."

"He's gonna be crushed to learn that I'm not really that cool and I have no powers."

"Hey, you might not have a cape but you're still a hero El." Liv replies. Leaning back against his arm that is casually draped on the back of the couch.

"She's right, you are. He may not know you very well but he's proud to tell everyone you're his dad."

"Do the kids know I'm home?"

"Not yet. I just found out a few hours ago. I actually came over because Christmas is this Sunday and Peter and I are hosting dinner. All the kids are coming and we would love to have you and Liv come too. It would be a great opportunity for you to reunite with them." Liv speaks up first.

"Oh I wouldn't want to impose, you guys should have dinner as a family. Noah and I can just have dinner here."

"Nonsense, you're an important part of Elliot's life. Noah can come too and the kids would love to see you."

"Come on Liv, you know there's no way I'm leaving you alone again if I don't have to. And I miss big family dinners." She gives him a sympathetic smile.

"Ok, we'll come."

"Good, I'll text you the address. I better get going, have to take Eli to his dentist appointment"

"It was good seeing you again Kath."

"You too Elliot, I'll see you guys Sunday." She gives him a friendly hug and leaves.

"Wow. I mean I knew I'd have missed stuff but so much has changed. I've missed so much of my kids' lives I-"

"You know they still love you El, you're their father. That will never change. You'll catch up with them on Christmas and all get to know each other again."

"I know it's just...it's been so long. I don't even know who I am anymore. I've been living someone else's life for almost a decade."

"You might have been living as someone else Elliot but you're still you. You're the same man I worked with for 12 years. You're still dedicated, loyal, loving, protective...you still make me feel safe. You'll still be an amazing father to your kids." She moves so she's sitting on his lap and wraps her arms around his neck, and he wraps his arms around her in return. Cradling her. "And sure you're a little older but you're eyes are still the same eyes I use to get lost in when we'd look at each other from our desks." She leans her head against his. "And that smile that I've always loved still makes my heart melt." She captures his lips with hers and he smiles against the kiss. "You still sound the same. Your voice is still soothing and gentle but firm like it always was. And you still smell the same...well after a shower anyway." He chuckles at that and pulls her back into a kiss. She moves her hands from his shoulders to his arms. "And you may not be a cop anymore, but you've definitely still got the muscles to beat up perps."

"I do huh?" He responds in the same flirtatious tone as her.

"And that ego hasn't gone away either" she laughs and he pouts before giving her a quick kiss.

"You're still the same man I fell in love with 19 years ago Elliot Stabler, sure you have less hair but still."

"Hey, it's still hair." He whines and she rolls her eyes

" _My point is_ that being in the program didn't change who you are. You just had to be a different version of yourself for awhile, but you're the same man I've always loved. Even before I was ready to admit it." He smiles and cups her cheek with his hand.

"I love you too. So much." He pulls her into another kiss and she starts to deepen it when there's a knock on the door.

"Kids always have the worst timing."

"Never thought we'd be saying that about _mine_ and not yours" she laughs lightheartedly as she reluctantly leaves his arms and goes to the door. _Hopefully one day we'll call him 'ours'_. He thought but didn't say out loud. He wanted to give her the family she always wanted. He knew pregnancy could be dangerous at her age but he would find time to ask her if he could adopt Noah. Then the boy would have both a mother _and_ father and Olivia would have the family she dreamed of. A loyal partner and a child. Course he'd love to marry her, but he wasn't sure she'd be ready for that. They'd have to talk about it. He's interrupted from his thoughts by her opening the door to Noah and his grandmother.

"I hope you don't mind, he wanted an ice cream cone and I figured a small one wouldn't hurt."

"Not at all, he could live on that stuff if I let him." Both women laughed and Sheila gave Noah a hug goodbye. Olivia knelt down next to him when she left.

"Did you have fun sweet boy?"

"Yeah, Grandma's really nice!"

"Well good. Momma missed you!" She stands and looks over at Elliot who's grinning at the exchange. Seeing his Liv as a mother makes his heart warm.

"Noah do you want to meet someone really special?"

"Like a superhero?" Both adults laugh at his enthusiasm.

"Well kinda, he is to me."

"Cool!" Before Liv can say anything else Noah runs over and sits on Elliot's knee."

"Hi mister, my name's Noah. Mommy said you're really special and I can tell because of how much she's smiling. I like you already because you make my mommy happy. I like it when mommy smiles. Are you really a superhero?"

"Well, I like it when your mommy smiles too Noah. I use to be a cop like your mommy, we fought bad guys together." He sends a wink in Olivia's direction and she can feel her heart melt at the exchange in front of her. She always loved watching Elliot interact with kids.

"That's really cool, and you seem super nice. I think I've seen a picture of you before, but you weren't wearing a cape." Elliot laughs and lifts Noah onto his lap.

"Well, you might have, my names Elliot."

"Elwiot. Ellot. Elliot." He tries out the name a few times before nodding his approval. "I like your name, it's fun to say. Do you like his name mommy?" Olivia giggles and sits on the couch, wrapping her arms around her 2 favorite guys.

"Yes, I do!" She tickles Noah on the stomach and he giggles.

"Well thank you, Noah, I like your name too."

"Thank you, Elliot. Grandma said she did too. I like Grandma. She told me about a lady named Ellie, her name sounds like yours. She said that Ellie loved me very much. I saw a picture of her in Grandma's kitchen. She was pretty. Did you know her mommy?" Olivia looks at Elliot for support but both adults are at a loss for words.

"I uh..I.." Liv stammers and Elliot speaks up again, trying to think of a distraction.

"Do you like pictures, Noah? I have a little boy too. His name is Eli, and he's only a few years older than you. I can show you a picture if you want."

"Sure! Is he nice?" Olivia gives Elliot a grateful smile when she realizes Noah is successfully distracted.

"Yes he is, and he likes superheroes like you."

"Cool!" He takes a picture of him and his kids from his wallet. It's one of the last ones they had taken and he has to fight back a few tears.

"Wow!" Noah exclaims and Elliot laughs.

"Yep, I've got 5, 3 girls and 2 boys. That's Maureen, Kathleen, Elizabeth, Richard, and Eli. Elizabeth and Richard are twins and used to be called Lizzie and Dickie when they were little. And Eli is named after me, Elliot."

"They look happy. I wish I could have a brother or sister to play with. Mommy doesn't have one and Grandma doesn't either." The innocent comment makes Liv's heartache and Elliot squeezes her hand comfortingly. If it were up to him...Noah would have 5 siblings and 2 parents one day because they'd all be a family. He tries to communicate that to Liv with his eyes and she gives him a small smile as Noah studies the picture. "Can I meet them, mommy? They look so nice, and not like the mean kids at my preschool." Liv fights back tears and squeezes Elliot's hand harder; taking comfort in the support he's giving her and kisses Noah's head. She knew he didn't have many friends but didn't know people were mean to him. The thought made both hers and Elliot's hearts break.

"Yes you can sweetie, you'll get to on Christmas."

"Yay!" He reaches over and wraps his small arms around her neck in a hug before moving back onto Elliot's lap.

"I like Mr. Elliot too! Do we get to keep him?" Elliot chuckles and Olivia laughs through her tears. Both adults smiling widely.

"Well, I sure hope so." She looks over at Elliot and decides to play along. "Can we keep you, Mr. Elliot? Pretty please?" He pulls both mother and son into a hug and kisses the top of their heads.

"There's no place I'd rather be!" The loving, fatherly look in his eyes makes Liv's heart swell with affection and love him even more.

"Good. Mommy can we have ice cream for dinner?"

"For dinner? I think you've had enough of that today silly goose, but Uncle Sonny's bringing over some spaghetti."

"Yum! I like Uncle Sonny's food." Elliot looks confused.

"Uncle Sonny?"

"Detective Carisi, you probably met him yesterday. His family is originally from Italy so he has a lot of really good recipes. He's an amazing cook. I wanted you to have a home-cooked meal on your first official day home and...well you know I can't cook." He chuckles lightheartedly.

"Sounds great. Thank you, sweetheart." He gives her a quick peck on the lips when Noah isn't looking.

"Do you wanna see my room, Mr. Elliot? I have lots of toys. And books. I like it when mommy reads to me."

"Sure buddy." He smiles and takes Noah's hand. Liv sits back and watches them with a smile. _This must be what it feels like to have a family._ She thinks as she wipes a couple stray tears.

 _And it was the best feeling in the world._

 **A/N: Some sweet family fluff after last chapter's emotion. Next chapter is Christmas, where some things go great….others...not so much. Also since this might be my last update of 2017...HAPPY NEW YEAR!:D**


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